Ah! It’s a new new year, which means a new slate of golf resolutions.
It’s great what the new year brings, isn’t it: resolutions to succeed and reach those seemingly unattainable goals, to become a better, more caring person—or, for many of us, to become better golfers.
It’s easy to be all talk about New Year’s resolutions, but it’s another to commit and follow through for the ensuing 365 days.
These, friends, are my 2014 golf resolutions in what I hope to be a year where the golf gods treat us all kindly, so that we may all keeping the cursing and club-throwing to a minimum.
Godspeed to us all.
1. (Finally!) Record a hole-in-one 
This has been a goal of mine since the day I started playing the game. I’ve never had one, never seen one (T.V. doesn’t count), never been on the course when one has been sunk (that I know of). This shot has done its best at eluding me for more than 20 years.
Sure I’ve had my fair share of close calls. At 17 on hole 21 at The Village Golf Club in Panorama, I faded a 6-iron to a middle pin that rolled within two inches of the cup. At 19 on hole 2 at Texas National, I flushed a 9-iron 140 yards directly behind the hole with some great backspin that fed directly to the hole. The ball lipped out.
Don’t even get me started on how many times I’ve nailed the flag only to have the ball ricochet off the green—occasionally into the water.
DAMN YOU, GOLF GODS!
2. Play golf in Scotland
The allure of playing in the country where golf was invented is so appealing. To walk on the grass that millions of others have through the past century; to play where the game’s inventors, the game’s best have teed up a ball; to be engulfed in that environment would be one of the crowning achievements in my golfing career. 
Plus, do y’all remember that time that Tiger shot 81 at Muirfield in 2008? I’d like to think that when I’m on top of my game I could beat that score [[Editor’s note: on a day when conditions are clear]].
There’s only one way to find out.
3. Shoot under par
Shamefully for all the years I’ve been playing golf I’ve never recorded a round under par. I’ve been frustratingly close! Like the time at the Bear Creek – East Course in Dallas when I needed to par the par-4 ninth to shoot 35, but embarrassingly walked off the green with a double.
4. Beat my damned brother again
Growing up I had no issues rubbing it in my little brother Ethan Keyser’s face that I could beat him on the golf course. Or I could drive it farther. Or I could chip it closer. Or I could drive the golf cart.
A lot has changed since those days.
Now Ethan consistently beats me. And can drive it as far as me. And can chip it closer. And can drive the golf cart, for that matter.
And, much like myself back when he was a small pipsqueak, he has no problem chastising me every time he beats me on the course.
No more, little bro. Family or not, I’m coming for you this year.
5. Hit a golf ball from a moving plane into the ocean
I’m not even sure if this is possible. One, would you be able to maintain balance long enough to complete a full swing? Two, if you were able to keep said balance, would the ball hold still long enough for you to hit it? Physicists readers, what say you?!
If it is, it seems as if a 500-yard drive wouldn’t be out of the question.
Speaking of resolution No. 6…..
ATLANTA, Ga. – Greg “The Shark” Norman nearly saw his golfing days come to an end.
“Greg…Please Take Care! We heard about you [sic] injury and we are very concern [sic] about you,” one commenter said. “Get well soon!”
Ace In The Cup 
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